medication thoughts (part 1)

The medicine I was prescribed in the emergency room was a mood stabilizer called Seroquel. The doctor started me at 50 mg. The first day after taking it (at bedtime) I was very groggy. My peripheral vision seemed less acute and I felt muted, slow, and foggy all day. I didn’t mind so much at the time because it was much preferable to emotional pain, but I knew that wasn’t sustainable.

The second day (today), however, was much better. I still felt a little wonky but I was much more alert and awake. I have had two instances of self-harm recently, though, and quite a hard day today. I just felt heartbroken for much of the day. I’m holding onto hope that even though I’m feeling the side effects now, the medicine still needs a few days to impart its medicinal /therapeutic benefit.

I’ve resisted taking medicine for much of my life because I was coping well (because I was secure!) and because I’ve been terrified of weight gain (I’ve dealt with eating disorders during my teenage and adult years). But this time it’s just too urgent a need to ignore. I’ll keep you posted. I hope my determination to establish a doctor and a healthcare routine might be inspiring to you if you haven’t done so yet.

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