Tag Archives: video journal

a codependent and a borderline walk into a bar… (a video journal on my relationship)

In some ways, it feels like finding out you have borderline personality disorder is like finding out you’re a bad person. I know if you’ve been diagnosed (or are frantically resisting diagnosis) you know just what I mean. You realize you’ve accidentally been affecting others in ways that you haven’t meant to, you’ve been a tremendous emotional burden, etc. Giving into the guilt and pain of this realization would lead to self-pity that again makes it All About You just like it always has to be, so you can’t go that direction. You have to forgive yourself (radical acceptance) and also decide you’re going to do the work it takes to change. This is the basis of dialectical behavior therapy, and where I am right now.

Man, it’s hard. Here’s a video journal about the ways in which John and I have mirror-image problems in our relationship. I don’t think his problems are 100% because of my disorder — I think he’s predisposed to seek out girls who need fixing, in a way, and to want to put himself in that role — but the fact that I helped put him in the position he’s in and helped to create a relationship that restricted him instead of supported him is really awful for me. Saying I’m sorry is an understatement. And I’m really hoping he still chooses me — freely.

Tagged , ,

but who am i really? (a video journal on identity disturbance)

Discovering that identity disturbance was a real thing that other people experienced too was a pivotal moment in my life. It happened only a few short weeks ago, and I can’t tell you what a simultaneous relief and frustration it’s been to discover why I’ve never “fit in.”

In this video journal, I share my experiences with identity disturbance, how I realized that’s what I was going through, and also my theory (remember I’m not a psychologist or anything fancy — just a person with ideas) about identity disturbance being the core issue in borderline personality disorder instead of just another symptom.

This is the webpage I mention in the video journal.

Tagged , , ,

a friendly hello and a story

Welcome to my new space, Confessions from the Borderline. I’m a twenty-something girl recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I’m also a writer, teacher, storyteller, and Christian. In this space I’ll be video journalling and writing stories to share my experience with you.

My goals for this space are, firstly, to create a community where we can share our experiences in a healthy, productive way and work towards healing together. Secondly, I’d like to chronicle my own experiences in a semi-methodical way. Finally, I hope that by adding our voices to the conversation about this relatively young diagnosis, we can help change the negative and hurtful stigma attached to it.

To introduce myself, I’ve prepared a little video journal.

Tagged ,